Having nothing to do.

I am no one.

I have nothing to do when I do not have anything to study. This is really bad. I have no interests, or rather, I have not discovered any interests. I have no inkling of what to do with myself when I'm not buried in my notes. I only know how to be a student. I don't konw how to be a human being. Sure I hang out with my friends sometimes but when they are busy I'm often alone, drowning myself on way too much online streaming and rewatching friends episodes and essentially being a slob and quite useless.


My excuse is that (gosh why did humans invent excuses. Excuses are for the weak) interests take too much money. And very often its only fun if you take someone but obviously this isn't an option when half the people you sms are busy or just don't reply your smses anymore ahem youknowwhoyouare.


Scuba diving needs money and friends.
Jewelry making (ha never tried but i'd like to) needs money.
Shopipng needs money.
Traveling needs money and friends.

I don't have any musical talent despite studying MEP in MGS (I tell this to everyone to try to show that I have some form of a hobby or talent, but relaly, I can't improvise a song for nuts that doesn't tear one's eardrums to shreds), I have technical skills but I probably don't have much talent.


I don't think playing with any bloody animal is considered an interest at all when you don't have animals to play with at home. (hence home is also a bore)


I don't have computer games/video games (thank goodness)


I guess exercising is an option but really, who counts this as an interest. Plus it rains half the time in singapore. Should probably buy some weights i have been putting off since like forever. cheaper to buy from Big W i think.


I guess I could go climb the hortpark thing but anna only returns on Wednesday so we will wait till after that.


Eating is my only solace. MOther's cooking is always a comfort. Eating provides me a break from monotony, the constant staring into a computer screen,l constantly refreshing the freakin facebook page that no one really updates anymore now that exams are over. (facebook was an irrepressible comfort to me during the exam period)
The thing is, with eating, I consume calories. And these calories need to be worked off or they just end up on your hips permanently. Which brings me back to the exercise point. Its cloudy and I dont' feel like running today so I'll just be a lard today. I'll run tomorrow. *promise. (if it doesn't rain.)


I could go out for outings that have already been planned ages ago instead of my usual pang-sehness, such as things such as my grandmother's 80th, but I think its weird when the freak 2nd general grandchild is the only one from her family at a dinner with 3 other full families of cousins, aunts and uncles. I saw my cousins last week, and i would have loved to catch up with them.


On a completely different note, my estate has a lot of fancy smanshy cars of gargantuan numbers. Some families even own more than one of these fancy smanshy cars. We, on the other hand, only own a very humble honda civic that is probably the oldest car you can find in the car parks. A stark contrast against the audis, porches, ferraris, mercs, bmws, volvos, volkwagon beetles.... So many convertibles, and one of them even let their dogs sit in his convertible after they walk all over the wet roads and leaf-strewn parking lots!


Wish I could be them in a few years.


I'm in my mid 20s and I'm not achieving anything and not being productive. Is this how a human life is to be spent?