Unfulfilled.

I want alot of things I cannot have.

I want a new phone. (easiest thing to achieve on my list. Will do so after graduation. I'm surviving now on my nokia 8250 since my samsung died on me from old age. Could not resuscitate it despite repetitive recharging. Decided not to waste money on a new battery for an old phone which I'm gg to replace in 6 months anyway.)

I want a dog.

I want a nissan GT-R.

I want a kitten if I can't get a dog.

I want a guinea pig if i can't get a kitten. (I will love them all the same)

I want alot of other things that I most likely am unable to get given my current lifestyle and habits and personality.

I day dream alot. Not good for my mental health. Makes me think of things that I cannot get and makes me upset after that for being able to get them.

I guess getting a dog is slightly more feasible than getting a nissan GTR. But that involves me moving out. What will my relatives think?


When will I start feeling blissfully satisfied with my life? Do I really have to be busy in order to distract me away from all this wishful thinking (i mean how on earth am i going to afford a nissan GT-R.... the answer is NEVER.. NOT in a lifetime with the kind of pay that I am going to be earning.)


I've started to worry about my future alot. I am very grateful for my scholarship. But with it comes many expectations, which I am worried I am unable to fulfill in the future. What if they realise that they chose the wrong person? What if I fall short of so many expectations? I'll be a disappointment to many. I don't know if I have the capabilities to handle whatever responsibilities they hand out to me. I do not have one of the brightest minds, I do not have the confidence, I know NUTS about what I'm supposed to be doing.


I hope I don't end up feeling all depressed and useless when I start work because I HAVE felt really depressed before although not in the category of clinical depression after talking to my friend about it.